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‘This election is great’, says somebody

SOMEBODY has been enjoying the general election campaigning so much that they say 'four weeks just isn't enough excitement'.

The man, who wished to remain anonymous, said he couldn't understand the 'constant rumble of antipathy from the general public, complaining that they still had heard only vague emotional appeals from politicians instead of policies to vote on, despite the campaign having been going on for a week'.

Speaking from his home, which has been decked out inside with posters of David Dimbleby and Jeremy Vine, he said: "This election is a real corker. A real corker. We've seen white men in suits on television almost every day talking about no policies whatsoever, and that's the style of politics I like.

"I get confused when they talk about actual things they want to do. I prefer it when they talk about hazy statements that seem to promise something without being too specific. I love that most of all.

"You get David Cameron going on about 'change' and Labour talking about a 'future fair for all'. To some, that would be vacuous candyfloss, but it really speaks to me on quite a profound level."

The man, who has a lot of sadness in his personal life, said he had also been delighted to see social networking sites transformed 'from places of useful information and chatter into brainless cheerleading from devoted and blinkered supporters of particular parties'.

He enthused: "That's the best bit. I'm glad that friends of mine have started having rows on Facebook in which they keep trotting out the same few soundbites, because that makes me think a lot more of them. I also like my pals on Twitter thoughtlessly tub-thumping for particular parties without really ever considering any particular issues."

The launch of the party manifestos might be considered to put an end to the less policy-oriented campaigning, but he's not worried. He said: "Oh, don't think for a moment that they'll actually tell you anything. It'll just be more of the same aspirational nothingness wrapped in convincing-sounding aphorisms."

The man, who lives alone, is said by neighbours to 'keep himself to himself'. One added: "When you asked me about him I thought you were going to say he'd murdered some kids or something. I wouldn't have been surprised."

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