Halal, is it meat you’re looking for?
Just a quickie - and no, I couldn't resist the headline.
The Mail reports today about a man who was terribly traumatised upset about not having a chicken burger with bacon, due to wanting to have it at one of a handful of KFC restaurants which are part of a trial in which they're serving Halal food.
You might think: So fucking what? Is this man so much of a fucking baby he goes crying to the Daily Fucking Mail when he can't quite get the chicken-and-bacon fast food sandwich he fucking wants, the feeble little shite? Who gives a shit? I mean, who really gives a shit? KFC is a massive fucking multinational corporation and it's doing this not because of cultural sensitivity per se but because of the bottom line: there's a market for this product, and they think they might be able to exploit it, and make a profit out of it. This isn't political bleeding fucking bastard correcticuntiness gone fucked up in the fucking head; this is just a way of trying to compete in a marketplace in which there are plenty of Halal chicken shops already.
And you would, of course, be right. But no. The Mail has been waiting for this moment ever since its previous article on KFC's outrageous policy on Halal some time ago. And so:
Mr Phillips said he found the change 'extremely unfair' on non-Muslim customers.
'I can't believe a chain like this has taken this stance,' he said. 'Staff told me that due to the dietary laws halal meat could not be prepared in the same place as other meats, so I couldn't have my bacon.
It was like they were saying I couldn't buy bacon because it might offend people.'
Tool though he is, let's not be too harsh on Mr Phillips. I would bet a gold nugget to a non-Halal sausage roll that the final paragraph there came from the journo asking him: "So, would you say that it was like they were saying you couldn't buy bacon because it might offend people?" and him saying: "Er, I spose, yeah" or something like that.
Oh, boo hoo. You can't get your Big Fucking Daddy burger because of Muslims. Call yourself a Big Daddy? You're just a Little Baby. If it matters that fucking much to you, fuck off home, get a frying pan out, sizzle up some lovely bacon, then bring home your KFC and put your fucking bacon in it, seeing as that makes all the bloody difference in the world and transforms an ordinary chicken sandwich from KFC into the most splendid culinary treat in the whole of humanity.
But no. Here we go again. The Big Daddy has been 'banned' by KFC because of Muslims. Does anyone except the fundamentally feeble or wilfully stroppy really care? I might go out and buy a big fuck-off bucket of chicken tonight, just to redress the balance.
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March 25th, 2010 - 18:51
Well I care, mainly on the front that believing food shouldn’t even be prepared near pork products is about as sensible as a Daily Express front page. Both should be equally up for ridicule. KFC might earn some money off catering for the sky fairy crowd, but that doesn’t make it any less silly.
Oh screw it… he’s complaining in the Daily Mail. I can’t condone that. Mr Phillips, go to bloody McDonalds!
March 25th, 2010 - 19:01
Oh it’s barmy all right, I’ll give you that. Pigs are delicious.
March 25th, 2010 - 19:22
Beautiful, and they say you can’t be eloquent and swear. This is exhibit A in the case against.
Agree with Jae though, not because pigs are tasty (I’m veggie myself) but because people choose not to eat things because of ethical or environental concerns, but because they think sky-dad will deprive them of a couple of virgins.
I do despair at the things which lead people to go ring the mail. I wrote a little while back about how they’d decided that a pudgy kid should be ‘top story.’ His mum had got a bit angry about him being medically overweight, so rang the mail. That will sort out his dietry intake it will.
March 25th, 2010 - 22:57
That would be the McDonalds that, for some years now, have cooked their fries in vegetable oils that satisfy vegetarian and Hindu dietary requirements, rather than the beef fat they traditionally used? Probably best not to let Mr. Phillips know that one, what with the trauma KFC have already caused.
March 25th, 2010 - 23:51
I just went to read the original article and noticed this bit: ‘I have many friends who are black, white and Muslim but they wouldn’t be forced to eat non-halal meat.’
Erm… well, yes, Alan Phillips, yes they would. If KFC served you bacon, then nothing else they serve can be considered halal. Thus your Muslim friends who wanted to eat at KFC would be in exactly the same position as you are now – except they wouldn’t be able to eat anything, whereas you could just get over the very slight inconvenience and *gasp* eat something else that doesn’t contain bacon. This is in fact the case in the majority of KFC chains which aren’t halal. Except the Muslims aren’t complaining to the fucking Daily Mail about it.
I can’t believe the illogicality of some people.
March 26th, 2010 - 06:28
Man unable to get bacon butty makes national news. Is it me, or has the world gone fucking mad? Slight worry, though. I’ve noticed the nasties in the media are picking up more on Muslim controversies in Europe, and seeing similar instances here as good copy. Not a good sign, it has to be said.
March 26th, 2010 - 07:45
As always, it’s the comments that are the most depressing.
March 26th, 2010 - 09:08
Great piece – thanks
March 26th, 2010 - 09:47
That headline is pure genius.
March 26th, 2010 - 10:02
Tabloids, Religion, Fast-Food chains. Fuck ‘em.
March 26th, 2010 - 10:44
‘It was like they were saying I couldn’t buy bacon because it might offend people.’
No. It was like they were saying you couldn’t buy bacon because it WASN’T AVAILABLE.
I had dinner in a vegetarian restaurant the other night. I am not vegetarian. Did I ring up the Daily Mail to complain that my right to eat animals was being BANNED by the vegetarians?
No. Because if it’s a vegetarian place, they won’t serve meat, and if it’s a halal place, they won’t serve bacon.
For fuck’s sake. Does this guy walk into an Indian restaurant and squeal about the fact that there’s an awful lot of curry on the menu? Is this really supposed to be a story? BUSINESS CATERS FOR PEOPLE WHO AREN’T CHRISTIAN.
Aaaargh! Run and hide under the stairs! Something I’m not used to is happening!
March 26th, 2010 - 11:39
“I was shocked – shocked! – to find out this vegan restaurant would not serve me a chicken and bacon sandwich. What is the world coming to? PC has run amok.”
March 26th, 2010 - 11:59
I went to Homebase the other day and they wouldn’t serve me BACON either. It’s political correctness go made you couldn’t make it up broken BRITAIN
(explodes)
March 26th, 2010 - 12:02
As a drunk, I’m disgusted that KFC don’t serve alcohol in case it offends non-drunks.
March 27th, 2010 - 13:28
when the place to see sensible arguments is the worst rated section you know somethings wrong, then highest rated are of course the opposite, who even goes to kfc for bacon anyway
March 27th, 2010 - 15:52
Usual Mail bollocks on parade here, at least half of the piece was about how many Muslims are living in the UK and my, how they’ve grown. And the rest, some guy moaning.
Not sure about the accuracy of “the short lived Halal Mac Donalds in Southall”. They say it opened in 2006, and i saw it still proudly selling Halal burgers in 2008. I don’t know if it still does, but a 2 year trial is hardly short lived.