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There was weather!!!!!! 2

Back in January I mentioned the occasional habit of British newspapers of deciding that cold weather in winter (or indeed warm weather in summer) was newsworthy enough to devote entire pages of editorial space to, diverting valuable journalistic resources away from the war against immigrants/single mothers/poor people.

Today's Mail has a double whammy of tedium. Not only was there weather, but - hold onto your hats - the calendar changed from one month to another as well!!!!!!

March roars in like a lion as 80mph winds batter UK and snow is predicted

Yes, a cataclysmic event in world history. An island nation in the northern hemisphere, on the same latitude as Newfoundland, is actually quite cold at the beginning of March, pretty much as cold as it was at the end of February. And there'll be a bit of snow in March, just like there has been, oh, every single year ever, more or less.

After the sunniest February on record, March appears to have something to prove.
But the freezing temperatures and blizzards bringing six inches of snow forecast for tonight should go some way to restoring winter's reputation.

Just imagine the poor soul who had to write up this snow-shower of shit.

"Yeah, could you knock up a couple of hundred words on the weather? It's been a bit cold outside and there might be some snow. Also, it's March now and it's no longer February - could you put that in somewhere as well?"

"But it's winter. In a cold country..."

"Do it! Do it now!!! And don't question me!"

I won't dwell on the fact that I doubt March does have 'anything to prove' after a sunny February in which there was weather. I'm guessing there will be weather in March, a bit more in April, followed by more weather in May, getting a bit warmer in June, perhaps an early 'woman in bikini freezing her bits off in Bognor' when it's 20 degrees maybe three days earlier than usual, more weather in July and August, unless it rains, in which case there'll be pictures of ducks in puddles, then September will be chillier, or maybe warmer, who knows, followed by autumnal things taking place in the autumn months, and then winter again. It's just a guess, mind you. But given that generally the same things happen every bloody year, I'd say I'm onto a bit of a winner with that prediction. And yet...

A spokesman said: "There is a good chance of snow in Scotland and further south for the western parts of the UK such as western Wales and the West Country on Monday night.
"Early on Tuesday, there is a risk of snow on the eastern coast of England. Monday and Tuesday nights will be very cold with temperatures falling probably as low as -2C (28.4f)."
But there will be some respite later, he added: "High pressure from the Atlantic will be moving in to bring much more dry, settled conditions for the rest of the week."

Zzzzzzzzz....

Ah, here come the Mail commenters to wake me up from my gentle hibernation. I think you can guess the kind of thing they'll come up with, and they don't disappoint! Firstly they tackle the collapse of a crane in Felixstowe:

Where were the health and safety jobsworths?
- Peter Coates, Hove, England

*tumbleweed*

There must have been other contributing factors here like metal fatigue or corrosion. A structure like this designed to handle containers weighing as much as 60 tons could not have failed due to wind alone.
- Dave B , Keswick, Canada

A fair assumption. But there was weather! So they have to link it with that in the story.

Sorry, but haven't we heard this before? Blizzards and the like? Nothing happened.
- David, UK

Yeah, you stick it to them David. How dare they forecast the weather and stuff.

Green woman's war!
- Pry, EU

What the...? This one gets filed under 'simply bizarre comments'; I might try to collate some of these together to see just how surreal the commenting public can be.

Glad I am here in the US, not a cloud in the sky!
- N.S, Arizona

Who'd've thought Arizona would be warmer than Britain?

The old weather proverb used to describe March - 'in like a lion and out like a lamb' - has been used for a long time and is based on long term observations.
Nothing new about these weather patterns.
- Mike, Cheltenham

Quite right, Mike. Nothing new about these pointless weather stories either.

Amazing pictures today especially of the crane blowing over and snow predicted. There definitely is a climate change all over the world. You had your warmest February and we had our coldest in 50 years. At least we know that it has been that way before - which is comforting. We are now hoping for an Indian summer as it is Autumn now.
- Barbara Gowan, Kiama Downs Australia

Interesting. Most Mailites are firmly resisting the evidence of climate change - not that I think the crane falling over is evidence of anything other than a crane falling over.

In the biography of the duchess of Kingston, I read that in 1760 the winter was so mild that pear trees and primroses flowered in December. Would some global warming nut case care to comment.
- Alan, Richmond

I have a feeling that 'Alan' might be related to the much-missed 'Lickyalips', a truly barmy Mail commenter who hasn't been seen for a while. Even if they aren't one and the same, Alan is splendidly barmy. Yes, in the past there was warm weather. Ha ha! I've cracked global warming wide open, thinks Alan! Yes Alan, yes you have. Incontrovertible proof that no man-made climate change is or ever will be happening.

Is this gloomy winter ever going to end? I am sick of it!
- Jennifer, Yorkshire

Hopefully in spring, Jennifer. But don't fret, the Mail will keep us up to date on weather happening in the meantime.

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